Today is the 11th day my wife has been in this "in between" state. I really don't know what to think. She is dying - just very slowly. She was restless most of the day - not too troubled but generally incoherent. I was expecting her to pass a week ago - which today seems like 10 weeks ago. The wait is taking a toll on all of us - that's not bad - it's just the reality. Things are happening we know not of in me, in Joyce, in many of you who are following my blog. Only time and circumstances will reveal these things - but for right now we keep doing the best we can to care for Joyce. How much longer can she survive without eating or drinking? I'm beyond trying to put a time frame on that - each time I have she surpasses it. You might think thats good - maybe she's getting better - unfortunately that's not the case - her body continues to deteriorate but her mind and will are not ready to let go - even in her dying she continues to amaze me with her strength....and each time I look at her I'm overwhelmed with how beautiful she is - and I shake my head feeling like it's all a bad dream - this can't really be happening - but it is.
Her nurse adjusted her meds again this afternoon to try to calm her restlessness. We'll see how she does tonight.
I did have an opportunity early this morning to talk with her and it seemed she was listening intently. I tried to explain again what was happening to her, what we were trying to do to keep her comfortable, how good the kids were doing, and then I shared some promises from the Word and talked about heaven. It was a very special time and I think she understood most of what I was saying.
This evening, I needed to get out of the house a while and drove down to the beach and went for a walk along the Carlsbad sea wall - a walk Joyce and I did many, many times. The ocean, just after sunset was pristine. Unexpectedly, I felt very alone tho the ocean front was filled with people. I'll never have Joyce by my side walking hand in hand along the beach again. Maybe I should have just stayed in Esco and walked around the block where I only need to deal with cars and barking dogs.
Well, it's around 11pm again and I need to wrap it up for now. His will be done!
In His Arm's
Pat
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I Love you Pat & Joyce. You are both a great inspiration to me.
ReplyDeleteKen-CCB
Our hearts hurt with you.
ReplyDeleteAs you said, "His will be done" at His perfect time.
Joyce has the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit and is very precious in the sight of the Lord.
We love and appreciate you both.
Lord, be with our brother and sister, comfort them and surround them with your love and your strength and precious Jesus, if I may ask, please grant this family a restful nights sleep and strengthen them for the coming days. Blessed be the name of our Lord. We love you two VERY much and you both are never far from our thoughts and our hearts.
ReplyDeleteCurry's
Pat,
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to your feelings of sensing you're in a bad dream...
In time, may ocean walks become a respite and refilling for your soul.
In Him, forever,
Katherine Hogan
So many here have been affected and touched by your daily journal, and of this incredible journey you are both on. Our hearts break with your candid words, but we are strengthened by your faith- our faith- in what is to come...
ReplyDeleteAll our love,
The Trunzos
Missouri
Pastor Pat. Tony, Amelia and I have you uplifted in prayer. May the journey that Joyce is taking now
ReplyDeleteto heaven become swift and painless and that your
family is strengthened and refreshed by His
living waters.
The Emerys.
Dear Pat and Family,
ReplyDeleteWe continue to wait with you. Our hearts cry and pray with you. His will be done. Blessed be the name of the Lord. His ways are not our ways. But he has a good plan for us. Our love to you and Joyce.
I can never express to you the depths of my gratitude for your prayers and counsel to my family over these years of trials. I know that when my husband was under your shepherding he had such a passion for God. I have kept up to date as you go through this trial the last few years and I see who inspired that passion for God in him and I cannot help but pray that if it is the Lord's will, that our family shall return to Escondido to serve the Lord and we as a family can be under your loving guidance as a tender shepherd for Him!
ReplyDeleteWhen Pastor Ken Armstrong has shared with all the CCs about your incredible relationship with Joyce on both your parts, it has inspired me to want to be a wife more like Joyce. I knew how to be a great mommy to the children, but I was deficient in the wife area. It has been in the midst of your trials of what Joyce is going through that has taught me and encouraged me about what LOVE, RESPECT, CHERISHING, COMMITMENT looks like in a way that I can choose to live out with the husband the Lord blessed me with.
It is amazing how learning by example how to live that out has affected our marriage with results that can only be of God. Thank you to both you and Joyce for teaching me what I was lacking through your trial and in the midst of it...helping to heal our family.
Our hearts continue to hurt with you and pray with you. May our Lord manifest Himself to each of you in a way you can know, to bring His comfort and peace in the midst of this storm. May His name be blessed and praised forevermore!
Pat,
ReplyDeleteI wish there were words that I could offer that would help. But words are so insufficient right now. Just know that we are here with you every day. Here to sit beside you, Joyce and the kids offering our prayers, love and support. You all are so dear to us and we share in your sorrow here on this earth. If there is anything you need (even the typically mundane errands, help with the house) we would be honored and happy to be able to serve you and the family. We love you all very much.
The Jamois family
Pastor Pat,
ReplyDeleteYou, Joyce, and the rest of your family are in our prayers. We pray that God gives you the strength to endure . . . that you are able to get good rest and think clearly - that you and Joyce will have a special time together each day that she remains on this earth, and that all of Joyce's questions are answered - that she will understand the answers in spite of the meds, that her mind will be clear especially in this area, and that God will give her amazing peace in her heart. We also pray that the medications do their job in stopping the pain.
Our hearts break for you as you go through this difficult time.
In Him,
Wayne Fravel & Linda Doyle Fravel
Pat & Joyce,
ReplyDeleteHis plans are beyond us. We pray for peace for you two daily. We love you two so much.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be Afraid!" John 14:27
Mike and Mira
Dear Pat & Joyce,
ReplyDeleteWe don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. 1 Corinthians 13
Pat glad to hear that your tests came out without cancer. Also, that it wasn't so urgent it can't wait for a while to fix it.
So many wonderous things are working in and thru all of us as we wait with you. I am so glad that God gave you another precious moment to cherish with Joyce.
Take care O:-)
My heart breaks for you, but Joyce will be with you, in your heart, everytime you walk on the beach. Praying that God's strong arms will lift you up today and give you some peace. Thank you for your honesty and your testimony. You make me want to be a better Christian.
ReplyDeleteDear Pastor Pat,Joyce and family:
ReplyDeleteNot a day goes by that we are not in constant prayer for what you and your beloved wife and family are all going through. May all the prayers of your church family minister to both you and Joyce as you go through this journey. We love you all and again do thank you for sharing this incredible testimony. I can understand and sympathize with Joyce for not wanting to let go of You or your children. God Bless You and Keep you strong for Joyce. Please take extra care of yourself. I know your focus is on Joyce but we love you and are trusting God for a miraculous healing of your body.
All Our Love to you and your family!!!
Pat,
ReplyDeleteIn all the years I attended Calvary Chapel Escondido, I saw an excellent example of what a kind, humble, mature and God-fearing Christian woman is in Joyce. She demonstrated nothing but uncompromised and determined loyalty to her Savior.
I hope we take this lesson to the bank and continue to make timely deposits. Her memory will resonate with all who knew her. I hope this doesn't sound wrong, but she was incredibly funny. This woman giggled at the drop of the hat. She could make you laugh and once she started laughing, you couldn't help but follow along. I guess that is what I will remember the most, because I liked that the most.
I wish you the very best Pat, hold on. This too shall pass, and in the morning the sun will once again rise.
Blessings.
P
Pat,
ReplyDeleteJust know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Only God know's His perfect time. I am sure you are touching many lives in waysthat you won't realize the depth of until you are in heaven by being so open and sharing at this time. I know this time you and your family are just trying to make it moment by moment but I know the Lord has you in His hands.
God gives us the right amount of time. The time talking with Joyce and reading her the Word, talking about heaven was part of God's time puzzle that is completing His best in you. The walk on the beach made that time talking all the more valuable.
ReplyDeleteDear Pat,
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing we can say that hasn't been said. We can't begin to understand what you are all gonig through. But, we will continue to pray for you and cry and love.
May God give you both peace and comfort.