Ps. 8

It is so difficult for our limited human minds to embrace the greatness of God and of His ultimate plan. It is difficult to move out of a self-centered existence.

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor" (Psalm 8:3-5).

Amazing God, turn my inward-looking eyes outward to You. You are interested in all that goes on in my life - my emotions, fears, disappointments, and confusions - and You want to heal me through Christ. Thank you. Amen.

This was part of my daily devotion from Griefshare and so appropriate not only for me but for all of us. In uncertain or challenging times it's so easy to turn all our attention inward instead of upward. Inward analysis usually leads to untrue conclusions. "Guard our hearts, Lord, and may our focus and devotion always be to You and our counsel from Your Word."

It's been a busy week making contacts for upcoming ministry opportunities after my surgery and working on an online course for chaplains in a major disaster that sincs with the FEMA Incident Command System protocols.This weekend we have Mike and Sara's wedding and Miles and I will be attending the '08 Calvary Chapel Pastor's Conf. in Murrieta next week. Still no date for the surgery but I know that's in God's hands.

Turn our eye's outward and upward to You Lord in all things!

In His Arm's,

Pat

Learning...

Hi Folks! Been a good week of learning and growing! Had some great fellowship with Pastor Brian Broderson, Pastor Chuck's Assistant Pastor, up at Calvary Costa Mesa on Wednesday. He was very encouraging as to the opportunities that lie ahead for my ministry when I'm physically ready to "launch out." Also had a good meeting with my friend, Pastor Jim Davis, who leads Pastoral Training of Asia - limitless opportunities there!

I also had a bit of a breakthru in this whole waiting for surgery drama. I felt the Lord telling me this week that He already had a date prepared for the surgery to take place and I didn't need to worry about it or try to make it happen. So what did I do? Of course I humbly submitted to the Lord the whole matter....NOT. Nope, instead I called surgery scheduling and my doctor trying to pull strings to get this done - and as understanding as they were of my desire, they made it clear that cancer patients needing surgery had priority in their scheduling and there was nothing they could do to speed the process up. And it was egg on my face - mostly just between the Lord and I - and it was one of those "Oh I get it!" moments.

So I think I'm more at peace now with just waiting and if it takes 4 weeks or 4 months I'm OK with it. In the meantime I can work on continuing to build up my strength and focus my mind and study on what's next.

Pray you all have a very blessed weekend!

In His Arm's,

Pat

Transitioning

The move of my office to my home went well and tho it was emotional it's done - the decor in the room reminds me of Joyce, the greatest love of my life, and my office furniture and books remind me of CCE - the most enjoyable work of my life! Both are finished chapters and I think both were finished well - and I'm proud and deeply thankful for that!

As we all are stepping out into new territory may we continue to be fruitful and multiply and reach and impact our community with the Gospel Of Jesus Christ like never before! Serve the Lord with all your might and continue to lift up the arms of those God has called to lead our flock.

Over the next few months, I plan on visiting other ministries and seeking guidance, counsel and wisdom from friends in ministry around the country on how to best use my gifts to further the Kingdom of God. I'll need your prayer for sure along the way! As opportunities unfold I'll keep you all posted here.

In His Arm's,

Pat

Sat. morning musings

My granddaughter, Kaylee, age 5 1/2 lost her first tooth this week! Big news for a grandpa! Thursday evening we had a "date nite" visiting Joyce's folks, her great-grandparents. Then out for a shake at Farmerboys and lots of laughs and wild stories of her adventures in preschool.

The rest of my week was somewhat bitter sweet. Change - even good change can still be emotionally draining. With the transition of leadership in the church to Miles it was time to move my office stuff to my home. Since I have this next surgery coming up and then the recovery, we felt it best to make a little more room for the staff. So Miles gets my old office and Josh gets Miles. When I'm healed up and ready to move back into the flow of ministry that God has for me it will be just as easy to operate out of my home for a season.

To make room for my office furniture, I had to pack up Joyce's craft room. That was gut wrenching at times. I'd been avoiding spending much time in there the past year. So many of her projects were in different states of development. It was her craft room and she was always working on something for the kids, the grandkids, her friends, the house, the women's ministry. Bits and pieces of materials from past women's retreats we had worked on were everywhere. Scrapbook stuff, pictures, sea shells - she loved the ocean - were also scattered in many places. And her sewing stuff, material and patterns and pieces of cloth from things she made when we were just married - 35 years ago. It was harder than I expected and I had to work thru several meltdowns.

But it's done and later today some of the men from the church will be bringing the office stuff over to the house.

I've been feeling OK. I've gained back most of the weight I lost during the last surgery and hospital stay. My doc said that right about the time I'm feeling half way normal it will be time to do the next and hopefully last surgery. I'm still waiting for surgery scheduling to give me a date. I know God already know the date - I'm just asking him for mercy not to have to wrestle any more with the anxiety of waiting...but I've written enough on that subject already.

Well, it's about 5am. I woke up about three just wide awake - thus today's blog :-) Gonna try to get a couple more hours of sleep before the day begins. Hope your weekend is blessed, fruitful and overflowing with the Joy of the Lord. Share that joy with someone who needs lifting up today!

In His Arm's,

Pat

5-13

Just a brief update. I spent Mother's Day weekend with my daughter and son-in-law up in Valencia. Mother's Day was the last time Joyce was able to make it to church before she passed.

I needed to be with my daughter on that day.

Treasure your moments with those you love!

In His Arm's,

Pat

hurry up and wait

Talked to my surgeon this evening. He said everything looked good to proceed with the surgery and he put in an order for it to be scheduled. That's the good news - the not so good news is that I may have to wait another 4 to 6 weeks before I get on the OR table. It's not an "emergency" surgery so I'll have to get in line for a spot. So that's the latest on the medical side. Oh how I just love waiting - grrrrrrrrrr! I know, Is.40:31.

Blessings!

Pat

Good Report

It appears my test results were good yesterday and I'm now waiting to talk with my surgeon. I'd appreciate your continued prayer that my reconnect can proceed soon!

Love Ya!

Pat

10 Months

Great is Your faithfulness, oh God my Father! There is no shadow of turning with Thee! All I have needed Thy hand has provided, great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

10 months ago my sweet Joyce was taken home to heaven. I still ache for her and tears well up out of the blue. Each time I weep I treasure the moment. It's the only connection I have left with her. I'm grateful for the emotion. I'm not depressed and I'm not stuck in my grief - I just realize how blessed I was to be loved by her - God loved me thru her. My tears are a mixture of sorrow and thanksgiving.

Perhaps as I think about all that she and I and our family and our friends went thru, particularly a year ago this time, the intensity of those days rushes back. I can't avoid looking at the calendar and remembering. I still catch myself thinking from time to time, "did this really happen? How was that possible?" And then God gives His peace and comfort and my desire yearns to know the what not the why. I know God is faithful - even in the storms - and I know He continues to work in all our lives as we face and deal with our loss. I think I'm almost over asking the "why?" questions. Life indeed goes on and I want to know what God desires to do in my life as a result, or more accurately, as a fruit, of all that He allowed to happen.

Life now is a new chapter being written day by day. I am looking forward to what the Author and Finisher of my life unfolds!

In His Arm's,

Pat

test date

Well after a busy week, I finally got the test scheduled that will determine if my reconnect surgery can proceed. That test happens Monday morning and if all goes well I could have a date for the surgery by the end of the week. The Calvary Chapel Pastor's Conference is during the first week in June. If the surgery happens by mid May, I could make it. Last year at this time, Joyce was really hurting and I only attended one session of the 4 day conference. It would be nice to go to this conference with my days wide open and all the heaviness of the last few years behind me.

I'm frankly tired of talking about all my medical drama. When someone asks, "How are you?" I'd sure like to say, "Really well, thank you!" "God has been faithful to hold me and guide me thru some rough waters and now the seas are calm!"

I truly am looking forward to the new things God has already planned for me - tho I know things won't always be calm. The turn over of the church to Pastor Miles has gone well and we're all moving ahead by His grace.

Stay hungry for His Word!

Pat