Monday is also the day I need to begin my diet prep for my surgery which is still scheduled for Wednesday barring fire, earthquake, flood, or terrorist attack. Yes, I'm a little nervous. I miss my wife's calm spirit. My emotions are struggling to stay even. I'm so happy for my daughter and soon-to-be son-in-law yet I'm so sad Joyce isn't here to enjoy it. I believe in some way that she will still be a part of this blessed day. I know the Lord will be there because a bunch of believers will be gathered - and I know Joyce is where the Lord is.
I'm not afraid of the surgery but I just can't think past it. It's a little like my wife's battle with cancer. As she was declining I knew her passing was coming but I could not imagine anything beyond that. Yet here we are, four months later and life has continued - tho much of that time I have felt in limbo. I knew a week after Joyce died that I needed to have this surgery - and waited nearly three months to have it scheduled - and then the fires and the rescheduling.
I'm looking forward to a season where I'm not anticipating another major trauma for a little while! Thanks for your continued prayer!
In His Arm's,
Pat
Hi Pat,
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to what you're saying. We share many of the same tendencies with regard to our need for planning and security.
I just want to say "what if". What if the Lord didn't want you to think past Joyce's passing...what if He doesn't want you to think past your surgery date? What would happen if you didn't worry about the future? If I were to say to you, just be in the present, it would seem very uncomfortable - like standing on one leg. But the Lord is your stability. Do just enjoy where God places you today. Remember that God didn't give us the spirit of fear, but of a sound mind.
The wedding will be awesome, and yes, Joyce will be in attendance in each of your hearts. Your surgery will, at the very least, force you to rest. And the Lord will be with you every step of the way.