12-6-06

Last week was a little crazy. Joyce had her brain MRI on the 30th and I had my echo stress test for my heart on Friday. We see our respective specialists in a couple of weeks to discuss the results. Saturday Mark and I did a memorial service for a dear sister in the Lord, Evelyn Szandzik, who recently passed away. Sunday's services were sweet but busy. On top of it all, Joyce had a rough weekend - lots of pain - tho the last couple of days have been better for her.

I confess I had a hard time for a while there dealing with her pain. I couldn't understand why God was allowing this - in spite of the huge amount of prayer being lifted up for her - it was just a very frustrating couple of days. I'm learning there just are things I want to understand that are impossible to understand! And even if I could understand why God is permitting all this I probably wouldn't be satisfied. It's like, I don't care what God's purposes are in all of this - just help her not to hurt. I guess I was a little angry - it didn't last long - thankfully.

I know the Lord loves us and He is holding us closer than we could ever concieve. I know suffering is a normal part of life and that it deepens our love for each other and our trust in the Lord. I find myself leaning on my own understanding instead of trusting in Him and that always gets me in trouble. I'm continually reminded of Isaiah 55 -

Isa 55:99 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.(NKJ)

So today I'm at peace, leaving my fears and frustrations in His hands, and trying to remember all the lessons I've already learned over the past 3 years...which in itself is a great blessing.
When Joyce began this journey with breast cancer we were so fearful she wouldn't make it past a few months - and its been 37 months - over 3 years - and for that and all we have experienced and recieved over that time we are thankful....and there's still more to come!

Blessings! Pat