End of March

Hard to believe a whole year has already passed since Joyce started her final bout with chemo.

I've had a lot of overwhelming moments this past week. Talking about Joyce a lot with old friends and looking at pictures and just walking thru our home brought on some fresh heartache. Tears would form in an instant - and be gone just as quick. Even tho life goes on, grieving will always to some extent, be a part of it. Just feeling it more this week than I had in a while. It's OK.

Also, the days are dragging - tho I'm trying stay active - being in this "limbo" between surgeries is frustrating. I want to plan but instead I have to wait. Waiting is good if I'm resting in the Lord; it's not so good if I'm just whining. They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength - teach me Lord, teach us all to rest and wait on You!

In His Arm's,

Pat

Easter

What a beautiful, summer-like day to celebrate the resurrection of our Savior! The services this morning were such a joy! I was able to share at the 8:30 and 10:30 services while Pastor Richard graciously covered the sunrise 6:30 service. Several folks gave their heart to Jesus! Then it was up to Murietta for a family gathering and all the grandkids having a big easter egg hunt. I'm exhausted but very thankful for all the good fellowship and love shared today!

In His Arm's,

Pat

Precision Prayer

Hey guys, you're prayer rocks! Tuesday and Wednesday were spiritually surgical days for me. God was dealing with my heart in some heavy ways in which, though it hurt, I am so thankful.

Blessings to all of you! Pat

Improving

Well these last few days have zipped by - I'm feeling a little stronger each day and more and more grateful that the Lord has held me through this weird season. I'm in very little pain and even the discomfort of the ileostomy is lessening - still a hassle but not as bad as it was a couple of weeks ago.

I would ask again for prayer for patience. I am still several months away from being done with my medical issues - still one more (and prayerfully the last) surgery to go, probably in late Spring or early Summer. I'm struggling with wanting to move ahead but being constricted by my circumstances. And I know absolutely that God knows exactly what's going on with me and IS in control. That doesn't mean that I'm "happy" about it - it does mean that I have to trust Him even if I don't agree with or can't figure out what His plan in all this is.

And then I read passages like Psalm 32:7-11. "You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from (in the midst of) trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah (think about that very carefully, Pat) I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.

Do not be like the horse or like the mule, which have no understanding, which must be harnessed with a bit and bridle, else they will not come near you. Many sorrows shall be to the wicked; but he who trusts in the Lord, mercy shall surround him. Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous; and shout for joy, all you upright in heart."

In His Joy!

Pat

Character matters!

I'm back from the conference in Tucson. My stamina was better than I thought it would be and I made it to most of the sessions. The theme was "Character Matters" and the studies were all out of the Book of Daniel. Many things spoke to my heart but I think the main message I got over and over is that being a man of Godly character is what I am to be - period. There are really no options, no excuses, no reasons to ever justify ungodly behavior. How do I stand before my Lord each day? He is the One Who examines the kind of person I am all around - outward and inward. In our permissive, make excuses-for-every-sinful-thing world, this seems unreasonable and impossible.

But I think even us christian folks often forget that is exactly why our Lord suffered and died in our place on that cross outside of Jerusalem nearly 2000 years ago. He died that we might live! Not just in the sweet by and by but in the stark here and now!

Jesus rose that we might rise to walk in newness of life. A new life empowered by the Holy Spirit to love like Jesus loved and to live like Jesus lived - that's what's been given to us. Our lives are changed as we trust and obey Him. But I can't expect change and power and vision and revival if I'm still doing my own thing and obeying only as it's convenient. That will never develop into godly character. I want to be a person of Godly, Christ honoring character, all the time - I pray you do to. Teach us Your ways Lord that we may walk in Your paths and be the light our homes, communities, and world so desperately needs in these last days.

In His Arm's,

Pat

Tucson

Well I made it to Tucson and am feeling pretty OK this morning. Slept well and am ready for the 08 Southwest Pastor's Conference. We'll be studying through the Book of Daniel and it will be great hooking up with many old friends - some really old :-) I'll try and give some updates over the next couple of days. Love you all!

In His Arm's,

Pat

Doing a little better

As I'm sure many of you regulars to my blog have noticed, the healing from my last surgery 4 weeks ago has been a slow go. But I'm glad to say I am feeling a little less slammed this past week. I've gotten a better handle on taking care of my ostomy and the wounds from the surgery aren't as painful as a week ago.

I'm hoping to go with Pastor Richard (he's driving) to the Southwest Pastor's Conference in Tucson, AZ this coming week. We would head out this Sunday afternoon and get back Wednesday evening. I think it would be good for me - tho I'm still fighting fatigue - please pray for a little more strength!

In His Arm's,

Pat

My Hope

Happy Tuesday! I'm battling thru this recovery time and the bag is still quite irritating but I've got a home health nurse coming today to check it out again and a possible visit from the wound care folks later in the week - by His strength I'm going to get a handle on this!

A few days ago, Lindsey, who is putting together a newsletter for our missionaries asked me to write a short article on the resurrection with Easter just around the corner. So I did and thought you might like to read it as well.

My Hope of the Resurrection

As Easter approaches once again, the church here and around the world gives extraordinary place to the various aspects of the resurrection from the grave of our Blessed Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. We examine the reality of the resurrection in Scripture and seek to understand its application to our journey thru the ups and downs and twists and turns of this life.

Since my beloved Joyce passed away last July, I've been thinking a lot about the resurrection and the promise of heaven secured by our Lord's sacrifice on the cross. I so long to see her again, to be soothed by her tender touch, hear her gentle voice and be warmed by her beautiful smile. I have to confess that in the first couple months after her death from cancer, I really wanted to see her more than Jesus. At times I would cry,"Lord, just take me home too so I can be with her, I don't want to face a future without her!"

Then the months pass and now, eight months later, I'm still here. I find myself still longing to see Joyce again but wondering more about heaven and, if the Lord did take me home, what my reunion with Joyce would be like. I began to realize that my desires and imaginations really needed to center back on the revealed Word.

I remember that being with the Lord is truly my blessed hope, Titus 2:13-14.

I remember that eternal life is knowing the only true God, Jesus; Jn. 17:3.

I remember that our focus throughout eternity will be the worship of Him and not those who got there before us - no matter how close we were in this life. In our earthly, limited minds we often try to picture, to grasp the infinite and we fall so short. Many who have lost loved ones, myself included, have envisioned heaven as just a beautiful continuation of their relationships here.

But scripturally we have a problem because the Bible tells us that in heaven there will be neither marriage nor giving in marriage but we'll be like angels, Mt. 12:25. We'll all be married in a sense to the Lamb of God (Rev. 19:9); we'll all be part of the "bride" of Christ. Think about it for a moment if you can.

When we are in glory everything will be perfect. The beauty, joy, intimacy and glory of being with the Lord, sinless, with all our tears wiped away is so beyond our minds to conceive! It won't be a bummer not being married to Joyce in heaven, it will be better than anything either of us ever experienced in marriage here. We'll be so at one with the Lord and that will define everything else. In fact, I believe that oneness will be shared with all believers from all ages.

Heaven will be inexhaustible when we will know even as we are known, 1 Cor 13:12. And this my hope, my certain confidence that keeps me focused and steady on this often winding road to heaven. I pray it's your hope too!

Maranatha! Even so, come quickly Lord Jesus!

In His Arm's, Pat

Sunday

I tried to be a little more active this weekend. I attended the grief seminar we hosted at CCE yesterday morning. This wednesday it will be eight months since my Joyce passed away. Today I went out to breakfast and to 2nd service at CCE. Got to open the service in prayer which really blessed me. I talked with lots of people and was greatly loved and encouraged. After church I forced myself over to Costco to do a little shopping and finally got home around 2pm. exhausted but glad I was able to get out.

Thanks for praying... please don't stop!

In His Arm's,

Pat